No Gein III: The Final Cut, Part Four

Chapter Four: That First Kiss

Milwaukee, Wisconsin. Spring 2007

It was her second semester living at the Milwaukee Institute of Art and Design and she was loving it. The weather was warm again as she sat at a park bench in Catalano Square across the street from her campus. It was there that she heard a voice ask, “That’s Mushroomhead right?” The girl looked up to see another student pointing at her shirt.

Her head nodded and a little smile escaped her lips as she looked up. She had seen this guy around campus but didn’t know his name. Aside from his shoulder length reddish hair, he looked a bit like Jim Carrey from Ace Ventura.

“Cool, I saw them at The Rave last year. Ever go there?” This time she nodded her head no, as the man immediately went to his next question. “So, do you like horror movies?”

“Why?” she asked nervously.

“Just asking.” He then extended his hand as if closing a formal business deal, saying, “I’m Jonathan.”

“Not Larry?” she replied, leaving his hand hanging in the air. Over a Spiderman shirt Jonathan wore a brown collared top with a ‘Patticoni Printing’ label stitched on its right breast and the name “Larry” embroidered above it.

Jonathan looked down at his shirt with a mischievous smirk. “Oh, I just wear these for fun.” He then asked, “So, I heard you’re a horror fan?”

“Yeah, sometimes.” she answered as she wondered why this guy was talking to her.

Jonathan then mimicked the voice of the Ghost Face Killer from the Scream series, asking, “What’s your favorite scary movie?”

The girl leaned back on the bench, startled by the wicked gleam in his eye while his right hand mimicked holding a telephone, but, seeing her reaction, his expression immediately changed. “Oh, sorry, just kidding,” he said, holding his hand up, palm facing towards her. “Don’t mace me.”

Still leaning back cautiously, she did manage to relax a little as he asked her “Have you seen the new Freddy, Devil, Ash movie yet?”

“No, not yet.” She answered as she perked up. She was interested in this sequel to Freddy vs the Devil, the crossover film between Nightmare on Elm Street and Friday the 13^th. This entry added another franchise to the mix with Ash, the lead character of the Evil Dead series.

“Well,” it sounded like Jonathan’s wall of confidence shook for just for a moment as he spat it out. “I’m off work Friday but I have to work Saturday so I was wondering if you’d like to see a movie with me Friday?” His words ran out of his mouth like a runaway train going down the tracks. It was as though had his words not escaped at that exact moment they would have been trapped, forever stalled at the train station of his dreams.

“Yes.” She felt her eyes widen as her own single word emerged, expressing shock that her vocal cords even formed the sound of that word before her brain even considered it.

“Groovy!” Jonathan said, now mimicking Ash from the Evil Dead. “Hey,” Jonathan’s voice was once again confident and energetic as he suggested, “wouldn’t it be fun if we were in costume? I’m gonna go as Ash.”

“Ok.” She never dreamed of dressing up for a movie before, but it sounded fun.

“You live in the Two50Two building right?” Stella nodded, indicating that was correct. A few exceptions aside, all full time Freshman and Sophomore students were required to live in the Two50Two building.

“Great, I’ll meet you in front of Two50Two, let’s say at five fifty-five?” Jonathan beamed with pride at the corny word pun he just made.

Stella rolled her eyes but said “OK.”

“Awesome.” He grinned at her in triumph. Then, his eyes darted about before he said. “Oh, I suppose you should know who you’re going with.” Extending his hand as if closing a formal business deal, he, “I’m Jonathan.”

“Not Larry?” she replied, leaving his hand hanging in the air. Over a Spiderman shirt Jonathan wore a brown collared top with a ‘Patticoni Printing’ label stitched on its right breast and the name “Larry” embroidered above it.

Jonathan looked down at his shirt with a mischievous smirk. “Oh, I just wear these for fun. My name really is Jonathan.” Reaching for his wallet he said, “I can show you my id if you want!”

“That’s OK.” the girl said, laughing. He couldn’t tell if he was joking or if he was actually serious, but it was cute either way.

Then, pointing at her, he said, “And you’re Stella, right.”

“Right.” she blushed, it hadn’t occurred to her to share her name.

“Ok great. So, see you Friday?”

“Sure.”

“Alright, smell ya later!” Jonathan said as he strutted away.

That Friday Stella’s doormats helped her get her cos-play ready. Jonathan was going as Ash. The Jersey Devil of the Friday the 13^th series was a full body suit, which seemed too daunting at this short notice. Hence, Stella would go as Freddy. Amber, one of her dorm mates, lent Stella her black and red sweater that resembled that of the horror villain’s. Stella pulled it over her and saw it fit well while Raina, another dorm mate, helped her with her makeup. After a coat of face paint, Stella appeared to have been horribly burned, just like the character she was cos playing. Tucking her long blonde hair under a black hat, it felt uncanny as she looked in the mirror and saw Freddy Krueger staring back at her.

“There’s just one thing missing!” her other dorm mate Michelle excitedly said. As Michelle approached it appeared she was delicately holding something in her hands. Stella’s disfigured appearing face cracked a smile that glowed through her make up as Michelle presented her a brown leather glove with plastic extensions protruding from the fingers mimicking Freddy’s claws. “I got this last Halloween, but you can have it.”

“Aww, thanks Michelle.” Stella said as she pulled the glove over her slender hand.

The girls collectively looked at Stella’s reflection in the full body mirror and were in amazed at the transformation. Looking over her slender figure, Amber said. “That is one fine Freddy!”

Waiting outside the dorms her outlook darkened as the sun began to dip, its last rays reaching out over the Milwaukee River. She got a few stares from people passing by. Some were startled, others expressed concern as they glanced her seemingly charred face. Stella wondered if anyone even got who she was supposed to be. Stella looked at her watch, it was five fifty-four. As a cool April breeze blew by and the stares continued from passerby’s, she wondered if all of this was such a good idea.

“Hail to the king baby!” Just in the nick of time, Stella heard Jonathan’s booming voice. He confidently walked toward her dressed in a long sleeved buttoned-down blue top. As he drew closer, she noticed the “Shop smart, shop S-Mart,” patch stitched into the shirt. Naturally, the name ‘Ash’ was embroidered above it. Like her, he also bore a costumed glove resembling a metal gauntlet.

“Wow, you look amazing!” He said as he saw her scarred face and her own gloved hand.

“Thanks.” she said, looking over herself, almost forgetting her costume. Then, noticing Jonathan was carrying a small backpack, she asked, “What’s that for.”

“Oh, that’s something for later.” He answered as he raised his costumed fist up where she met him with a light fist bump. She smiled as their costumed hands connected. Just for a moment, it felt electric. In the movies Freddy wasn’t slim, and actor Bruce Campbell didn’t have long reddish hair, but here, on this night, these two were perfect just as they were.

They made small talk on the bus to the theater. Jonathan did most of the talking actually, prattling on about his classes and such. Getting off the bus near the Avalon Atmospheric Theater, Stella felt a pit in her stomach as a small crowd gathered at the entrance. Some patrons were even dressed up like they were. “Just a minute.” Jonathan said as Stella faced the theater. Jonathan stopped to open his backpack from which he pulled out a toy shotgun, the handle of which appeared to have been removed. He rolled up the blue sleeve of his gloved hand and, via a contraption on his prop gun attached the barrel to his limb, making it appear not that his hand was holding the gun, but that his hand was the gun. “My boom stick!” Jonathan proudly proclaimed.

Stella covered her made up face with her own gloved hand, nearly poking herself with the plastic extensions as she giggled. “Oh my god, you’re nuts.”

Approaching the crowd in front of the theater, Stella pulled the brim of her hat down in an attempt to hide her face as the sound of clicking cameras surrounded them. She stood close to Jonathan, moving slightly behind him as he gallantly posed for pictures spouting Bruce Campbell quotes. She couldn’t believe this guy. In a way, he looked ridiculous, but he relished every moment.

After Jonathan bought tickets for the two of them, they entered the lobby to find a few others in costume. Stella was surprised to see a few people actually made full body costumes to dress up as Friday the 13^th’s Jersey Devil. Random other monsters were there too, including the werewolf from Halloween Six, Pinhead, and a few other Freddy’s. One cos-player got her attention, it was a character who had quite an impact on her life. There before her, in a fairly accurate costume, was Saw-Man. She instantly zoned out while watching the lead villain from Texas Chainsaw Massacre , not hearing anything around her.

“I said, are you supposed to be Freddy Krueger?” A condescending voice snapped her back to the theater, where in front of her stood a bald obese man with his own chocolate stained unbuttoned S-mart shirt staring at her. Through his thick glasses his eyes looked her over disapprovingly. “Freddy Krueger is supposed to be jacked!” Stella looked down, her eyes avoiding the fanboy and focused on her own slim figure.

Jonathan came to her side and interjected. “Hey, what movie was that where Ash had a giant beer gut?” he quipped, pointing to the man’s belly. Stella let out a small chuckle but still avoided eye contact.

“Whatever.” the man said, walking away dismissively.

“Don’t let that asshole bother you.” Stella heard another male voice say. “You look great!”

“Thanks.” Stella said as her gaze moved upward away from the floor where she saw another large but more fit man with short peroxide blonde hair.

“But I have to tell you something.” the man said. “The Devil wants his rematch.”

The best of the Devil cos-players lumbered towards her. His claws extended outwards, and his fang filled jaw hissed at Stella who stood motionless. She wasn’t scared, she was amazed. The level of detail in this costume was awe inspiring. She couldn’t even dream of being talented enough to make something like this. “Do you mind if I get a picture with you?” The Devil cos-player asked.

“That’d be awesome.” Jonathan answered for her as he took his own camera out of his backpack. The two horror villains faced off in the theater lobby. Stella held up her pretend bladed glove, but her face was blank, her makeup simply hung expressionless on her face.

After a snap of the camera Jonathan interjected. “Come on Stella show some ferocity. You’re the stuff of nightmares!” he said standing next to her mimicking her own pose as he coached. “Here, like this.” Jonathan hissed and glared at the devil with a fierce stare.

Stella’s lips parted, her teeth slightly protruded foreword as she posed for another picture.

“That’s better, now put some snarl into it!” Jonathan said stepping away.

Stella’s lips slid further apart, her eyes widened and her arms tensed as her gloved hand remained pointed to her fictional opponent. Out of the corner of her eye she could see she’d drawn some attention. Other people stopped and were taking pictures of her. Among the picture takers she could see that obnoxious fanboy walking away. It was then that, somewhere within her, an intensity emerged. Feelings long smothered, shamed and shunned, rose from her within her guts, up through her lungs and out of her vocal cords. From her lips sprung horrifying hiss that scared the Devil himself.

“Beautiful baby beautiful.” Jonathan clapped in approval. Stella’s gloved hand shook as it returned to her side as she wondered if those around her were as startled as she was of what had just come out of her.

“Thanks a million.” The older man said. The lobby lights flashed indicating the real show was about to begin. Turning to Jonathan the older man asked the three co-splayers, “Mind if I get a quick one with the three of you?”

Stella’s hands were still shaking, but she managed a deep relaxing breath as she felt Jonathan place his arm around her. The Devil stood happily to her side, as there would be no posing for this photo. The three cos-players smiled as if the characters they portrayed were all best friends.

As the theater grew dark the first trailer began. The lullaby “Hush Little Baby Don’t Say a Word” was softy sung by an older woman as the audience witnessed scenes of a desolate landscape. “What is this?” Jonathan asked. Once that whirring sound effect hit, Stella, as well as others in the audience, knew instantly. “Every Legend,” the chalk white text read on the screen followed by shots of R. Lee Ermey of ‘Full Metal Jacket’ fame playing the patriarch of a family of maniacs. ‘has a beginning.’ The text concluded, as a group of young people are dispatched while cries of terror came from both the silver screen and the in theater audience.

“It’s Chainsaw.” Stella answered before the logo emblazoned the screen. Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning was a prequel to the 2003 remake of the cult 70’s hit. This franchise was all too familiar to Stella, as it accidentally played a crucial role in the young girl’s life.

Once the feature presentation began, the crowd cheered wildly at the title screen. Stella had never experienced theater goers cheering for a movie before. Looking around at the enthusiastic fans, she saw that older man sitting with his Devil costumed friend. The cos-player clapped his clawed hands, but the other man sat still in his seat. In fact, as the light glowed on his face, it looked like he had shed a tear. “He must really be a big fan.” she thought to herself as the movie began.

After the show Stella sat in a comfortable chair. Her hands wrapped around the ceramic mug as she felt the heat from the java in her hands. A few bookshelves and paintings covered the walls. Stella hadn’t been to the Emporium before, but Jonathan seemed familiar with the place. The staff knew him when he walked in, and thought nothing of his shotgun arm prop, never mind his date walking in looking like a burn victim.

“That was so cool when Freddy used the Necronomicon to bring back the past Friday the 13^th victims as Deadites.” Stella agreed with her date as she sipped her steaming drink. Jonathan then asked, “Did you like it?”

“Yeah, it was awesome.”

“Think they’ll do another one?” Jonathan asked before sipping his own drink.

“I don’t know. It’d be cool if they did.”

“Yeah, lots of crossover films coming out.” Jonathan began to prattle on again. “Last year was Aliens vs Predator. Tonight was Freddy, the Devil and Ash, next year is Helloween.” Smirking he then asked, “Hey what are you doing next year? Would you want to go see that one with me?”

Stella grinned at Jonathan as she detected zero sarcasm in his question. “Well, I don’t know, let me check my calendar.” she motioned with her hands, mimicking opening an imaginary date book. “Helloween,” she asked, “don’t you mean Halloween?”

“No, Helloween. That will be a crossover between Hellraiser and Halloween.” Jonathan explained. “The cool thing about this is they’re bringing back Michael Meyers from the first two Halloweens.” Jonathan’s eyes then diverted upwards, he always looked like his mind was going a mile a minute. “I wonder if they’ll bring any other characters from the rest of the series.” He thought out loud. After Halloween II, series creator John Carpenter turned the franchise into an anthology, with each subsequent entry standing on its own. “The Wraith from part four would be interesting to see, so would the Werewolf from part six. I don’t know if Halloween H20 would fit though.” He then mimicked the impossibly deep voice of Sylvester Stallone, the washed up 80’s actor who starred in the 1998 Halloween entry in a desperate attempt to resurrect his career. “We’ll tear your soul apart!” Stella laughed again as Jonathan recited the famous line from the first Hellraiser in an 80’s action hero voice. Finally turning his attention back to his date, he asked “Are you a fan of the series?”

“Not so into Hellraiser.” Stella said, then, without thinking, she went on to say, “My sister and I went to see H20.”

“Oh, you have a sister.” Jonathan asked, “What is she doing?”

His face then grew puzzled by the awkward silence. It finally ended with, “My sister, um, uh, she died.”

“Oh, I’m so sorry.” Jonathan sounded genuinely upset to hear this. He looked almost panicked, as if he’d unwittingly lit a fire in the woods. Almost at a whisper he asked, “What happened?”

“It was a drunk driving accident.” Stella revealed. “She got in a car with her drunk boyfriend, so…” finishing her story with a simple shrug of her shoulders.

“That’s terrible.”

In that moment he looked like he needed more comforting than she did as she reached across the table to squeeze his hand. “Thanks.” she said. It felt good holding his hand, his skin was warm and comforting.

Pulling her hand back she heard Jonathan say, “Well don’t worry, I don’t drink and drive, in fact I don’t even drink!”

“Oh, so we’re not going to the frat party after this?” Now, for the first time the whole evening, Jonathan was at a loss for words.

“I’m just kidding,” Stella laughed like she hadn’t laughed in a long time, “I don’t drink either!”

Jonathan himself laughed a sigh of relief as he held up his cup of mocha boasting, “Alright then, well, to not drinking!”

“To not drinking!” She toasted him back.

After they both took another sip of their beverages Jonathan looked around at the surrounding bookshelves and suggested “Well, since we’re not getting black out drunk tonight, want to look at some books?”

As they browsed, Stella saw both old and new books resting on the wooden bookcases. “Ever go to North Carolina?” It seemed like such a random question, but that didn’t surprise Stella at this point. She looked to see Jonathan in the travel section looking at a title that read ‘Islands at the Edge of Time.’ Jonathan explained, “I went their with my cousins one summer. This guy wrote a book about the islands on the outer banks that way. Cool stuff.”

Stella turned back to the shelf in front of her to find an old beat-up paperback. Movie Monsters by Alan Ormsby had the image of Frankenstein and the Wolfman on its blue cover. It was a book for kids, but as she thumbed through it with her left hand, she was curious to find a few pages covering monster makeup.

“Oh, I heard about this book.” Jonathan sounded really excited and as Stella turned to find him in front of the New Release shelf. The book he held bore an image of Saw-man, and the title, emblazoned in big white letters read ‘Psycho: A Tale of, Madness, Murder, and the Disappearance of George Kohler.’

Holding the hardback up, Jonathan said, “This guy directed that other Chainsaw movie.”

Noticing the subtitle, ‘the Disappearance of George Kohler, she wondered, “Oh, what happened to him?”

“Who knows.” Jonathan said as he placed the book back on the shelf. “I guess that’s what the book’s about.”

Stella immediately snatched the book back off the shelf. Removing her prop glove and placing it in her coat pocket, her fingers quickly perused the pages. She didn’t notice Jonathan wander over to the thriller section. She didn’t see him point to a few hardcovers, and only half heard him as he asked, “Ever read Robert Bloch?” Stella was too focused on the tome in front of her to answer, but Jonathan added regardless. “He was one of my favorites. Did you know he went to high school right here in Milwaukee?”

Stella hadn’t even heard the question as she closed the book and stared at its cover price. “Tell you what,” she now heard Johnathan say, “I’ll buy that for you, and you tell me where George is.”

“Really?” She looked up to his eyes as she asked.

“Sure, save’s me the trouble of reading it myself. “ He then gave that odd chuckle she’d already got used to hearing. “Besides,” Jonathan boasted as he pulled a small business card from his wallet. “I get the membership discount.” He then made a clicking sound with his mouth and winked at her.

Stella burst into laughter at Jonathan’s mannerisms. “You’re adorable.” she said as she placed the book into his hands.

On the bus back to campus, Stella clung to the Emporium bag in her hand, anxious to read her newly owned book. Looking out the window she noticed a few familiar superhero logos, along with some she was not as familiar with.

“Ever read comics?” Stella wondered how many girls Jonathan asked that question too. She also wondered how many of them said ‘yes’. “No, not really.” She answered as she remembered her friend Megan. ‘She would have liked a store like that’, she thought to herself as she added. “I knew a girl in high school that liked them. I liked the X-men movies, those were cool.”

“Awesome, well if you ever want to check out some comics. I’ll take you there sometime.”

“Um, ok.” she said, looking back down at her bag.

 Soon their stop came. The pair got off the bus and Jonathan walked her to the Two50Two building and said, “Well, I got an all day shift tomorrow so I’m gonna drop you off here, OK?”

Stella shook her head ‘yes’ thinking to herself how she wished this night would never end. Jonathan then told her, “I had a really good time tonight.”

Earlier in the evening, when Stella stood at this same spot, she was unsure how this evening would be. She wasn’t sure if going out in this costume to meet this guy was even a good idea. Now she stood in front of her new home, having had one of the best nights she could ever remember. “I did too.” She told Jonathan. “Thanks.”

Jonathan slowly reached his arms towards her, his fingers slightly trembled as they brushed her hair. Throughout the evening Jonathan projected an aura of confidence, but there periodic moments like this where he was exposed as being just as nervous as she was. Stella brought herself closer to him as their arms gently wrapped around each other. She felt his head turn towards her. Through her makeup she could still feel his lips brush her cheek, where she heard the gentle sound of his lips part. She couldn’t wait anymore, bringing her mouth to his she heard him inhale, as if he were honestly surprised to be getting kissed himself. His lips were warm and moist, and just for a moment she felt the tip of her tongue on his. It was simple, magical, and perfect just the way it was.

The evening ended with her whisper. “Good night.”

Transformers Ghostbusters: Ghosts of Cyberton Review (Minor Spoilers)

1986’s Transformers the Movie killed off much of the original cast of the popular television cartoon, including fan favorite Decepticon Starscream. The movie, taking place in the then future year of 2005, also set the stage for season three of the Transformers cartoon series in the fall of 86. The ninth episode of season three featured Starscream returning as a ghost, a ghost who would reappear in subsequent episodes. This is possibly the first time robot ghosts have appeared in fiction, and provides a premise for a 2020 crossover with another popular 80’s franchise, the Ghostbusters.

Transformers Ghostbusters: Ghosts of Cybertron establishes a brand new reality for the Transformers. Opening in Cybertron’s past, the Autobots have fled Cybertron, but, in a deviation with traditional Transformers lore, the Decipticons did not follow. Remaining on Cybertron, the Decpticons encounter a robot form of the Traveller, complete with two robotic hounds. The Traveller is a herald of Gozer, the villain from the first Ghostbusters film. After a sequence reminiscent of the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man scene of the first Ghostbusters, Cybertron is legitimately destroyed and the Decipticons are dead.

The main character of this crossover is a new Autobot created just for this story. Ectronymous Diamatron is an Autobot scientist, who objects to his fellow Autobots calling him Eck for short. A thousand years later (Not four million years later as in the original cartoon), the Autobots are still travelling the universe via their spaceship the Ark. Ectronymous finds a Cybertonian signal on planet Earth, and is soon sent by Optimus Prime to investigate. 

Coming to Earth, specifically New York City,  he encounters the Ghostbusters, whose car has been totaled while trapping a ghost. The Autobot scientist uses his transformation abilities to turn himself into the Ghostbusters car, and soon becomes known as Eco-tron. Optimus Prime soon joins him, and after getting graphittied by 80’s cartoon punks he gets a new white paint job to match Ecto-trons look. Both get Autobot sized proton packs from their new allies, who all encounter the ghost of Starscream. The Decepticon has teamed up with a villain who is a deep cut into the original 80’s Transformers Cartoon

The art style reflects the original Transformers A.K.A. Generation One cartoon, but the Ghostbusters are drawn in the style of the more current comics. I’m curious why they weren’t drawn in the style of their own 80’s cartoon, perhaps there was some rights issue.

Ghostbusters mythos isn’t as deep as TF but there are a few callbacks to Ghostbusters 2. The painting of Vigo appears, and the mood slime actually plays a small part of the story. Fan favorite slimer briefly appears as well. A few Autobots talk about not being afraid of ghosts, and when encountering Megatron, Prime’s hand turns to the yellow axe to match Megatron’s ball and chain, which is something they did early in the old cartoon. The Quintessons appear in statue form during the opening sequence. Another amusing easter egg is Winston making a joke about G.I. Joe.

The crossover ends with a new status quo, with Optimus Prime actually hoping to reform the ways of the Decepticons, and Eco-tron hoping to find other spirits of dead Cybertonians. With a new status quo, new reality, and a new Autobot character, the Transformers Ghostbusters crossover works surprisingly well, and I would look forward to more stories in this 80’s crossover reality.

If you enjoyed this crossover review, click here for an interview with Erik Burnham.

Transformers Star Trek Comic Book Crossover

Star Trek vs the Transformers is a 2019 graphic novel pitting the two titular science fiction franchises against each other. In this story, during the Star Trek timeline, the Transformers came to Earth, but then left during World War Three (World War Three is an official event in the Star Trek timeline). The Autobots left via Fortress Maximus, with the Decipticons on their tale, traveling via Trypticon. Similar to the first episode of the Generation One cartoon, they crash land on a planet and lay dormant for a very long time.

This crossover opens with the classic Star Trek crew of Kirk, Spock, Scotty etc, going to the planet Cygnus Seven, close to the Klingon border, where a distress call has been sent out from a Dilithium mine. Immediately the crew encounter the Decepticons, and later a small band of Autobots. 

The really cool thing about this comic is that it is drawn in the style of Star Trek, The Animated Series. So it looks like a meeting between the Star Trek cartoon of the 1970’s and the Transformers cartoon of the 80’s. Two characters that were original to the Star Trek cartoon, Arex, and the female catlike M’Ress, appear in the story. Arex is only shown in a few scenes on the Enterprise, but M’Ress is featured heavily, both fighting and interacting with the Transformers.

Naturally the Klingon’s show up, and side with the Decepticons. After the usual brief misunderstanding the Enterprise crew team up with the Autobots for a mega-showdown on the Klingon home planet of Kronos. Of course the Enterprise gets turned into a giant robot called Fortress Tiberius (Kirk’s middle name) and heavy action ensues. 

This story is heavy on the Star Trek references, the Eugenics Wars are mentioned, and there are a few “I’m a Dr. not a …” gags. There’s not as many references to Transformers lore, though Spock does use the “More than meets the eye” phrase.

The story ends in a way that leaves the door open to more follow up stories. I would be curious to see how Star Trek characters would react to the planet Cybertron, or how Next Generation characters like Data take to the Transformers, not to mention the Borg and Unicron.

In the meantime, Star Trek vs the Transformers was a fun quick read with a plot that figured out how the two popular sci-fi franchises would meet. 

Lego Batman Movie

Lego Batman is a spinoff from the 2014 Lego movie (which featured Batman), and has a surprising level of introspection into the Batman character.

It’s a very meta film, with Batman’s voice talking over the opening credits, remarking how cool movies start in black with ominous music, going on to comment on the Warner Brother’s and DC logos. The opening scene offers more self-awareness as its remarked that a plane with a ton of explosives is flying over a city (Gotham) with an extremely high crime rate. Naturally the Joker hijacks the plane, but the pilot is not scared of the Joker at all, as he remarks all the times Batman has stopped him (actually referencing the Dark Knight film as well as Tim Burton’s first Batman film). When asked what to do, Commissioner Gordon says out loud that they’ll do the only thing they ever do, which is turn on the Bat-signal. Naturally Batman saves the day. Joker gets away, but Batman is greeted with his usual hero’s welcome. Batman soon returns to his Bat-cave, as a journalists comments that Batman will probably go home and have a big party with all his friends.

This leads to some surprisingly quiet and mundane moments. Batman goes home to his mansion, puts some lobster in the microwave, and eats by himself. Watching the “You complete me” scene from Jerry McGuire he cracks up laughing, he finds it hilarious. His butler Alfred eventually shows up, and we immediately get the surrogate father/son relationship between the two. Batman acts like a spoiled child, while Alfred tells him that he needs friends.

Lego Batman’s central theme is Batman learning that he needs other people, and also explores what Batman fears the most, along with the concept of a sidekick, his relationship with the law, and Batman’s relationship with the Joker. In fact, it is a breakthrough in that relationship that leads to the resolution at the film’s climax.

Without giving major spoilers, early on in the movie, Joker outsmarts Batman by actually surrendering. Joker knows being locked up at Arkham won’t be enough for Batman, and this knowledge moves the plot. Along the way Joker teams up with villains from various media, including Lord Voldemort from Harry Potter, King Kong, the Kraken, Dracula, Sauron from Lord of the Rings, the Gremlins, and the Daleks from Dr. Who, which are referred to as British robots. I wonder if they weren’t allowed to use the name Daleks or something.

Batman villains aren’t lacking however, we get the traditional rogues gallery of Catwoman, the Riddler, etc, but also a bunch of obscure ones. The Joker breaks the fourth wall telling us that all these characters, no matter how ridiculous (Condiment Man) are real characters, and actually encourages us to Google them.

Lego Batman is the kind of movie you’ll want to get on DVD and pause a million times to get all the Easter eggs. I doubt any movie ever had more Easter eggs than this. I believe there are references to every live action Batman appearance (including the 1940’s serials), as well as nods to the animated series of the 90’s and Batman Beyond, and nods to various comic books like The Dark Knight Returns. There’s a ton of references to the Batman Adam West TV show of the 1960’s. Actual villains from the show like King Tut and Egg Head appear, there’s more than one reference to the Bat-Shark Repellent, and there’s even actual footage of the series shown.

Given the plot, I was hoping Batman would team up with heroes from other media. This didn’t happen, but there is an appearance by Superman and the Justice League. In their segment we get both musical and visual nods to the first two Christopher Reeve Superman movies, and we see a bunch of obscure characters from the old Super Friends cartoon.

Personally, one of my big nerd fantasies is a story/a world with characters from  various media, comics, TV, film, video games, etc. all together. The Lego film series may be the closest I come to seeing this. It’s nice to have various references to things in film, but things like that don’t matter unless the movie is good. Given it’s a kids movie, Lego Batman is infinitely better than it needed to be. It is a very poignant examination of the Batman character and the tropes that surround it. Honestly, Lego Batman may be the best Batman movie there is.

 

 

 

 

 

The Lego Movie

The Lego movie is a CGI film from Warner Brothers based on the toy building blocks of the same name. The story is about a Lego builder man named Emmet who lives a completely ordinary life as a construction worker. He follows his daily instructions on how to live a happy life. His favorite song is the pop hit “Everything is Awesome,” and his favorite TV show is the popular “Where’s my pants?” He works as a construction worker demolishing buildings that aren’t built according to instructions/that are weird, and rebuilding them the right way.

One day he meets a woman named Wyldstyle, and accidentally finds a mythical piece of resistance.The piece of resistance is said to be able to stop President Business, who rules the world they live in. President Business believes in order and everything being in it’s proper place, and secretly has a plan to keep things in permanent order. Wyldstyle and Emmet join the Master Builders, a group of characters that can build anything without needing instructions, and try to stop President Business.

So the central conflict is between structure and spontaneity, however it’s not cut and dry. The disadvantages of 100% spontaneity are hinted at, and Emmet realizes that victory can only come about through a balance between the two. Some interesting philosophy from a movie one can dismiss as a mere toy commercial.

At the end of the movie you find out what’s really going on and it’s very meta. The animation is great and it’s a highly enjoyable movie.

One of the coolest things about the Lego movie is all the licensed characters that appear. Warner Brothers’ DC comics characters appear, Batman having a supporting role. One of the funniest and surprising moments came with the arrival of Star Wars characters Han Solo and Chewbacca in the Millennium Falcon. We see Star Wars characters on screen with DC comics characters, and the crossover potential for future installments is huge. The characters that appear are as follows;

DC comics characters Batman, Superman, Wonder Woman, and Green Lantern.

Michelangelo from the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.

Gandalf from Lord of the Rings

Dumbledore from Harry Potter

Milhouse from the Simpsons

From history Abraham Lincoln and William Shakespeare

Pop culture, Shaq, the Statue of Liberty

Then there’s more generic characters like Mermaids, Knights, and Cowboys.

Here’s to future installments.

Planetary/Batman: Night on Earth Crossover

Planetary/Batman: Night of Earth, is a meta-fictional examination of the Batman mythos. The concept of Planetary is these three people investigate the mysteries of the 20^th century which involve characters from various pop culture/comic books. (The villains of the main series are basically the Fantastic Four.) With the tag line “Archaeologists of the Impossible,” it was one of my favorite series.

Apparently in the world of Planetary there is a Gotham city, but no Batman. Dick Grayson is head of the Planetary office in Gotham, and has an assistant named Jasper, which is basically the Joker. The crew is called in to find a fugitive whose powers involved being able to cross different realities.

In a nice nod to DC’s Crisis on Infinite Earth’s, the leader Elijah recalls a “partial multiversal collapse” in 1986 where several universes folded into each other. It’s also theorized that Gotham city itself is some sort of focal point in the multiverse.

As the three find the fugitive they end up hopping realities and encountering different versions of Batman, including the original version of Batman who carries guns and is willing to kill. In a much more humorous moment, female agent Jakita run afoul of the Adam West Batman, who takes her out with his Bat-Female Villain Repellent. Frank Miller’s Dark Knight Returns Batman makes an appearance before the story comes to a close.

It’s a clever idea for a crossover to have the concept of different versions of a character be part of the actual story. It’s also a well-made crossover in the sense that there’s no reason it can’t be considered canon for the Planetary series. Recommended for a good quick read.

What Disney Properties Could be Included in the Marvel Universe?

When Disney bought Lucasfilm last year, many people speculated when and if there would be a crossover between Star Wars and Marvel Comics, which Disney also bought a few years ago. If you ask me I think that will happen eventually, either in comic book form (the easiest route) or on screen. It got me thinking of what other Disney properties Marvel could incorporate into their world. One Lucasfilm property immediately jumped to mind. I think the following properties could easily be incorporated into the Marvel 616 Universe.

1. Garygoyles.

With New York City being a prominent location in the Marvel Universe, this 90s Disney cartoon about Gargoyles in the big apple is a natural fit. The cartoon features Gargoyles from 10^th century Scotland perched atop buildings in the modern day big apple. During the day they are just stone statues but at night they come alive and have adventures involving fighting against their version of the Illuminati. They are also aided by a New York cop.  Gargoyles could easily bump into other New York based characters such as Spiderman, Daredevil, Punisher, etc, as well as more magic/horror based characters such as Dr. Strange and Ghost Rider.

2. Tron:

This 80s Franchise about a virtual video game like world to date has had one sequel as well as various video game and comic book tie ins. Tron blends well with science based heroes like the Fantastic Four and Iron Man. It also could be incorporated into the Marvel Cinematic Universe, filling in some of the pre-Iron Man history of that world, perhaps with the Stark company having dealings with Encom, a company in the Tron universe. Iron Man and/or the Avengers exploring the digital world of Tron would at least make a good video game.

3. Indiana Jones

When Disney bought Lucasfilm one of the first things I thought of was I hope Indy gets in the Marvel Universe. The adventures of a World War II era archaeologist preventing Nazis from gaining powerful ancient artifacts fits perfectly into the Golden Age of the Marvel Universe. An Indy/Captain America story practically writes itself, as do stories involving Atlantis, Wakanda, the Savage Land, Marvel’s take on ancient Egypt, and countless other possibilities.

Speaking of Captain America, like Tron, the Indiana Jones films could easily be retro-actively included into the Marvel Cinematic Universe. In fact, Captain America, The First Avenger even has a backhanded reference to Raiders of the Lost Ark. When the Red Skull finds the Tesseract, he says “And Der Fuehrer searches for trinkets in the desert.” Of course at the time this line was just kind of a joke, but now Disney owns Lucas-film. Unfortunately we’ll probably never see a Captain America/Indiana Jones movie, but an in canon video game with the voice of Harrison Ford would be nice, or at the very least a comic book mini-series.

If nothing else it would add just under 2 billion dollars to the MCU gross, putting it just behind Harry Potter as the #2 highest grossing franchise at 6.9 billion dollars.

What do you think? What other properties could fit?

League of Extraordinary Gentlemen: Century 2009 (Spoilers)

Century 2009 concludes the century trilogy, where Mina Murray, Alan Quatermain, and Orlando find the Moonchild/Anti-Christ that we’ve heard about in the last two installments. The climax of this story leaves us with interesting questions about the nature of the world of LXG, this world’s potential, and Moore’s own view on contemporary culture as well as creative issues in the comic book community.

Before that I want to mention a few pop culture references. We see a grown Jack Nemo threatening to start WWIII. We also get a 90 year old James Bond (a despicable man we met in the Black Dossier) now suffering from cirrhosis, emphysema, and syphilis. He’s kept alive to suffer as punishment to those he’s wronged before. We also get a glimpse of J3, and J6, basically the Bond’s of Roger Moore and Daniel Craig.

Back to the main story. The gang finds out that the Anti-Christ, for all intents and purposes, is Harry Potter. They go to what is essentially Hogwarts where it’s revealed that Harry Potter’s adventures were all arranged to get him ready for his destiny. Potter is not at the school now, the final battle takes place at his home.

The gang fights off Potter but it’s not going so well when, a character who is basically Jesus Christ shows up to save the day. So we get Harry Potter vs. Jesus Christ.

From a Christian perspective, could this be considered blasphemy? This brings to question the dynamics of the world of LXG. In the closing monologue of Black Dossier I believe it is suggested that some of the characters know they’re in a world of fiction. When Mina and Orlando arrive at Hogwarts the land is in ruins, and the two characters speculate that this area is like London’s dream-time  and that there could be a symbiotic relationship between the worlds of fiction and the real world. Mina says “maybe this magical landscape mirrors the real world.”

Orlando supposes it could also be the opposite. Saying “If our magical landscape, our art and fairy-tales and fictions… if that goes bad, maybe the material world follows suit.”

Back to Jesus, during the battle the Jesus character says “I have many great responsibilities,, foremost amongst these , however, is my concern for children. I am concerned regarding their wellbeing, and the healthy development of their imaginations.” Could it be that Jesus entered the world of fiction to save it from a pop culture Anti-Christ?

Another notion I would like to address, something I saw coming, was the view Alan seems to have of modern culture. Part of this is covered in a previous blog here https://jemurr.wordpress.com/2009/04/26/death-of-the-imagination-not/

Years ago Alan was quoted as saying (the full quote is in the link above) that this LXG story would be about the decay of the imagination. Mina in this story says “It’s not just the poverty, people were desperately poor in 1910. But at least they felt things had a purpose. How did culture fall apart in barely a hundred years.”

Orlando answers, “By becoming irrelevant, same as always.”

The irony is Alan Moore openly admits to knowing very little of contemporary culture. In this article linked below, which I also quoted in the above blog

http://www.comicbookresources.com/?page=article&id=20812.

he says.

“I know absolutely nothing about contemporary culture. I am cut off from most inputs. I’m not connected to the internet in any way, I watch very little television.”

It is interesting to consider that Victorian England and England of 1969 in the world of LXG were both so vibrant, rich, and lively, and Moore’s world of 2009 is bleak and depressing. Yet he admits knowing little to nothing of today’s culture. You could make the argument that the League of Extraordinary Gentlemen is the height of Baby Boomer arrogance, that it proclaims 1969 as the epitome of Western Popular Culture, and following that everything fell into oblivion.

On a less serious note, the saga of LXG is basically the story of British popular culture. There’s nothing wrong with Moore writing what he knows, and he certainly knows this. However I would have liked to have seen this world incorporate other popular culture as well, such as that of Asia, and naturally America. Planetery did a great job of this. Also, after Watchmen, Moore grew tired of writing super heroes. Caped adventurers did exist in the world of LXG, but they were more of an annoying fad. It would have been fun to see a good superhero adventure set in this world.

Finally, Harry Potter is the Anti-Christ and fights Jesus Christ, but no one should be allowed to touch Watchmen….